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Porky's Fear Factory 2014 Review

porkys fear factory

The evolutionary terror attraction from Freak Week to Pitch Black to Porky's Fear Factory has become one of the highlights of the Halloween season.

Royal Victoria Hall, Tunbridge wells is the setting for Tom Swift's visionary terror maze. Ideally placed on the high street, this hall is usually used for dramatic plays, panto's and meetings. This October, the Hall has been again transformed into a labyrinth of horror, second to none and straight out of the mind of a sinister looking chap, known as Tom Swift.

The prospect of a visit to a Tom Swift creation is always a horrific treat at any time of the year. Seeing the man in tights during panto season could scare anyone into waving the white flag. So when I was invited to re review one of his Halloween creation for the third time in as many years, I knew I was in for a somewhat discerning treat.

Greeted by Tom's significant other on arrival, I was informed that Tom sends his apologies but was temporarily engaged at this very moment. He was busy attending to a scare actor who after shocking his victim into a scream frenzy, received a right hook by the said victim.

'Hell hath no greater fury than a screaming woman's scorn', particularly if it's induced by a scare actors in a pitch black terror maze or x factor phone in final.

After initially composing myself with a stiff drink and three tic tacs, I was ready.

Before I could say Oberlong Von Bob! I was inline only to find that I was being terrorised by three pheasant beaked masked mother of a plucker men in hoodies towering over me like KFC vultures about to pick flesh from my chicken laden collar bone.

Terror Attractions review of Porkys Fear factory pitch black scare attraction Porkys fear factory

Feeling a sense of impending doom, similar to that of wondering if the picture advertisement of a cottage chicken drumstick would ever match the actual greasy item, I thought to myself, I too sometimes feel like a smacking the finger licking server of said chicken house but I dared not mess with these chaps at the Fear Factory. Their plucking beaks were huge!

As always, I shall refrain from describing each turn of the maze as I wouldn't want to spoil any surprises..................but needless to say there are many meandering twists. The ghouls and clowns are in your face right from the start, you are more than just target practice, you are there to be intimidated and pushed to the extreme.

Never the less, this scare attraction was uniquely different. It was evident from talking to other patrons, that they had enjoyed the scares so much that they had been in again three or four times on the same night (A crazy thought, yes absolutely!). Once was enough for me but a second or third venture? I'd rather spend an evening with Lady Ebola watching Release the Hounds and wondering why Reggie Yates is such a god awful presenter.

Tom duly informed me however that his creation was worth numerous re visits, even on the same night again and again. He went on to explain that each visit provided a totally different experience from the previous.

No matter how many times you entered you were guaranteed to be scared. A recommendation worth trying for sure but only for the brave!

Porky's fear factory is a unique follow on maze experience. We see a constant barrage of disgusting rooms linked by corridors of blood signs and screams. Each turn has a scare actor who does their best in showing you the wrong way out.

Not content with 'just a scare maze', they go the extra mile, making full use of confusion and disorientation as the basis of an emotional terror ride, the likes of which have never been seen since Durex announced it was to sell cheese and onion flavoured condoms.

Clever use of optical illusions and lighting brings about a feeling of going around in circles. Demons in tow, laughing at our discomfort, the whole experience was as unsettling as finding out Disney had bought the rights to Star Wars.

Claustrophobia sets in as patrons panic towards a non existent escape route. We are mere puppets to Tom Swift, the puppet master who is looking on from above the theatre balcony. 'or-castrating' our fate, we are at his mercy as to when we can leave.

Clowns to Psychopaths, long corridors and awaiting mad axemen running towards with vigour and pace, kept me on edge throughout. I felt like a lost sheep in the lingerie department during the Harrods January sales - Too scared to look, too scared to stay and too scared to mix and match (You chaps know what I'm talking about!).

Favourites, were the tube lighting man coming out of the wall, giving a feeling that nothing was real and the three headed pig man who at the last minute jumped out from pitch black, I knew there and then that I would never be able to look at another bacon sandwich in the same way again.

Totally unexpected, Totally original, Just as you think you're safe for that split moment, he shows you that he is the one in total control.

In a world where Danny Dyer vowed never to appear on EastEnders, page 3 is so 'get a life' passée and out of work Hollywood actors make speeches at the United Nations just bybeing famous. It is refreshing to know that the evolution of the terror maze is in the good hands of talented individuals like Tom,who push the boundaries of terror attractions and not just ride on the back of others.

Terror mazes can be both inventive, out of the box scary and original. Tom Swift proves this and excels in all aspects, to bring to the discerning public a roller coaster terror ride from his warped imagination.

“I don't know where he gets it from” his father told me as he offered me a drink to calm my nerves. Turning to Tom's wife, a sense of wonderment came over me, as I applauded her bravery for being associated with such an evil genius. Tom Swift, you are frightening chap indeed!

On from 23rd October to 1st November 2014, prices start from £8 to £15 depending on how you book, this terror event is worth every penny!

The Pitch black evolution has begun, the doorway to hell is open and only they decide when you can leave!”

 

Jay Jay Terror Attractions


 

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